The Xbox controller is large

Tragically |4M3

Wednesday, September 21, 2005 | 12:07 AM | by Brian
EVERYTHING AFTER THIS TEXT IS A JOKE. TIM AND I HAVE TALKED ABOUT FAKING A RIVALRY FOR MONTHS. WE'RE INTERWEB CELEBRITIES, PLAYING WITH YOUR EMOTIONS IS WHAT WE DO FOR FUN.

"What happened to CAD?" you're asking?

Brian fucking Clevinger happened. And this is only the beginning.

As those of you who have attended recent conventions where I've been forced to appear with "Tim Buckley" should know by now, we do not get along. And that's being nice about it. The guy's a complete ass. He even jerks around the ZeStuff crew who do nothing but help us!

So I figured now would be a great time to take over his site. And Pierre agreed. Usually Pierre and I are able to put up with "Tim" at conventions because we're so busy. But Pierre's been locked up with the jerk for a couple days and I think putting up with his shit for all that time finally broke him.

That's right. Pierre just gave me full access to this site. Since "Tim Buckley" is hundreds of miles away, he can't do anything about it. Do not adjust your browser, CAD is under the control of 8-bit Theater now and forever.

See, the funny thing is I can't get away from this bastard. The same people handle our merchandising, the same people handle our ads, and the same people handle our hosting.

It didn't start out that way but as may be obvious by now "Tim" is always copying me. Need more proof? Well, everyone knows I've had long to long-ish hair pretty much since 1995. Back when it was the new, cool thing to do. How about "Tim"?

"Tim Buckley's" hair, Katsucon 2004.



LOOKIN' KINDA SHORT THERE, "TIM".

"Tim Buckley's" hair, circa 2005.



OH, BUT NOW IT'S LONG? WHAT A COINKYDINK, BUDDY!

Gee, where'd you get that idea, "Tim"? Maybe from me, you idea-stealing douche! I had long hair first, and you know it, and you didn't grow your hair out until you saw mine. I'm doing all that can be done with long hair and you come and long hair it up too. Well this is a bandwagon of one, chump, and you're not invited.

In case you have brain damage and could possibly doubt me, let's take a closer look.



SEE, THEY'RE INDISTINGUISHABLE BROWNISH BLOBS! HE'S RIPPING OFF MY HAIR WHOLE CLOTH! WHOLE HAIR!

But it doesn't stop there, folks. 8BT started in 2001. CAD started in 2002. Wow, what a total fucking surprise! What's next, gonna get a red car too? Oh wait!

If you've been paying attention, you're probably thinking, "Wow, Buckley needs to get some professional help." Which is true. But if you're really paying attention, you're thinking, "Brian, why do you keep putting 'Tim''s name in quotation marks like that?"

The answer is simple. "Tim Buckley" is not his name. "Tim Buckley" is the name of a musician from the '70s. Just like everything in the parody that is "Tim's" life, he ripped off this name in the hopes that it would further his career. We already had one Tim Buckley, there's no room for another one, champ. His real name is Stan, but because no one named Stan has ever been famous, he changed it for the web.

That's the kind of sicko we're dealing with here, people. And that's why I've taken this site from him. It has to stop. Here and now.

You rat bastard

Wednesday, September 21, 2005 | 12:40 AM | by
I knew it! I knew you couldn't be trusted!

Leave it to you to take advantage of someone when they're off in another country on business. As if tolerating the ZeStuff staff wasn't hard enough, I get to the airport to try and take an early flight home and I pull out my laptop and I find this!

I'll bet you copy and pasted that newspost just like you copy and paste everything else.

I can't believe I tried to be so polite around you at all of those conventions, that I even bothered to try and mask my utter contempt for you. What a waste of energy. I thought that maybe if I pretended to like you that we could co-exist in relative harmony, but now it's obvious that not even leperous killer robot with hemorrhoids could get along with you.

I may be stuck on a laptop in another country right now, but when I get home your reign of idiocy ends, once and for all. Mark my words.

And you can Ctrl+C, Ctrl+V that to the bank.

Bah

Wednesday, September 21, 2005 | 01:28 AM | by Brian
Sorry about the downtime, folks. We're back in action.

Oh, and nice try, "Buckley". But the site's in my name now, so there's not a lot you can do about it. Doesn't matter how longish or brownish your hair is.

OMGHAX

Wednesday, September 21, 2005 | 02:13 AM | by
Brian, you rotten son of a bitch. I just tried to buy a plane ticket home and they're telling me my passport has been revoked. I can't prove it yet, but I know you're involved somehow.

If you think you're going to get away with this, you are sorely mistaken. I know more of your dark, dirty little secrets than I'll bet your comfortable with. Internet piracy is against the law, Brian, and that's only the latest of your long list of offenses. I happen to know for a fact that you've torn the tag off of your mattress that says "do not remove". Let's see what the authorities have to say about that, shall we?

I've always know you looked upon me with an envious eye, but I never suspected you had the backbone to make a power play like this.

A passport isn't going to prevent me from coming home and putting you in your place. I'm renting a car as we speak, and even if I have to speed through border patrol dukes-of-hazard style, I'm going to get back to my computers with ftp access, and then we'll see who has the last laugh.

On your tombstone I'm going to have them etch "He gave the world sprite comics... and we hated him for it".

!!!

Wednesday, September 21, 2005 | 09:50 AM | by Brian
Who told you about that tag? Who's your source...

Oh, that double-crossing furry porn drawing son of a bitch. He'll rue the day he crossed me!

Rue it to the max.

Show a little respect

Wednesday, September 21, 2005 | 11:55 AM | by
Hey, don't you even think about insulting that furry-drawing Canadian! He gave his life to help me get across the border to end your minute reign of tyranny!

Scott was riding in the passenger seat as we blasted through the border checkpoint without stopping. We had thought we'd made it through clear, but then the mounties opened fire on us. I made it through unscathed, but they killed Scott, and took out one of my back tires.

I had to dump the car and the evidence in one of the great lakes and hike through the woods of greater New York until I happened upon this farmhouse. Now I'm using dial-up to make this post. That's right. Dial-up! You did this to me, Brian! You did this to me!

As soon as Mrs. McClintock is done preparing the apple cider, we're going to ride into town and I'll catch a bus home to Connecticut.

You've driven your last tank into the water, pal. Your days of internet thievery and eating tuna that isn't dolphin safe are over. Oh noes! Did I let your other secret slip?

I guess now you'll have to deal with the animal rights activists as well. Dolphin killer!

Thanks for the help!

Wednesday, September 21, 2005 | 02:11 PM | by Brian
Well, since you insist on illegally posting to my site, I've informed the FBI of your location. It wasn't too hard since the system logs your IP when you make a news post, smart guy!

I'm sure they'll go easy on you after evading authorities at the border and fleeing the scene of a crime. Thank God for the Patriot Act. I hope you got enough sunshine for one lifetime, Stan, 'cause they're gonna put you in a hole so deep you won't even remember the word "light" by the time you get out.

It is a joke, people

Wednesday, September 21, 2005 | 08:21 PM | by
EVERYTHING ABOVE THIS POST IS A JOKE.

My plane landed safely in New Haven a short while ago, and I am now home.

Honestly, I thought Brian's first post gave it away immediately, but apparently a whole lot of you still fell for our little practical joke.

Brian often "remixes" my comics as a little private joke between us. He believes that all gaming comics should automatically consist of nothing but "omgz teh Xbox controller is teh HUGE!", and we get a good laugh out of it. We decided to take it one step further while I was in Canada.

We've been making our newsposts stupider and more obvious as the day went on, but surprisingly a lot of people still thought it was real. I got an email from someone in New York offering to come pick me up and drive me to New Haven. Wow.

If you fell for it, don't feel bad. Just smile, laugh it off. It's no big deal.

If you picked it up right off the bat, congratulations. You have a keen eye for sarcasm, parody and allusion. Not to mention a sense of humor.

Everything that took place here was planned in advance, including the nasty things we said about eachother. We do comics for a living, and if you can't laugh at yourself, you have no right making jokes about other people.

Brian is a very good friend of mine. He wrote the foreword for my second book. There is no bad blood here, so you can relax off the trigger of your 'angry email gun'. We were just having some fun.

The Canada Fan Meet

Thursday, September 22, 2005 | 01:32 AM | by
I wanted to post about the Fan Meet we had at the ZeStuff warehouse on Tuesday.

We had done one the first time I went up to Canada, and it was a lot of fun. I only gave about a day's notice, and we had 50-60 people show up. This time I gave a whopping three day's notice and we have over 100 people over the course of the hour and a half.

It was really great. The fans were such wonderful people, and I really enjoyed getting to talk with them and hang out for a bit. I wish I had gotten to spend more time chatting with everyone that showed up.

Especially the three college students that showed up a half an hour late because they had walked ten miles from their campus to come see me. You guys are crazy, but it was really flattering.

If I hadn't had all of those books to sign, I would have hung out longer.

Speaking of which, I signed my name over 4,000 times in the past few days. Terribly boring and mind-numbing, but all of the books that needed to be signed are signed, and they have started shipping en masse.

Some people have already received theirs, and informed me that they were very much worth the wait. So keep an eye on your mailboxes. You should be getting your books soon.