Quest

Step on them all

Friday, June 15, 2007 | 12:18 PM | by
Let me tell you what I love about Lord of the Rings Online.

Almost everything.

Let me tell you what I hate about Lord of the Rings Online.

Hobbits.

I have grown to absolutely despise those little fuckers. I am resolved to never group with one of the furry little shits, and if I have to carry out a quest for one of them, you had better believe I am going to do so with the most disdain I can muster. Hobbits irritate me on every level.

I think it was Adso that pushed me over the edge. The Hobbits of Staddle were obnoxiously laze, to be sure, running me back and forth delivering messages when they're all standing within spitting distance of each other, if they'd just roll off their fat asses for a moment. Listening to Eldo Swatmidge pine over that widow a couple of farms down didn't help either. Sweet monkey christ dude, just go to eHarmony dot com. Shut your trap.

But then we get to Adso's camp, and lo and behold the little hairy nut is the worst one yet. Heaven forbid you move a few steps, Adso. Sure, I'll go collect ten bear pelts and ten boar pelts for you. Here you go. What's that? Oh, you also want fifteen wolf pelts? Well why didn't you mention that when I went out there before, since bears, boars and wolves are all in the same fucking place.

Fine, Adso, there. Are we all done? No, of course not. You need more boar pelts now. And you also need them delivered to Bree-town. You're the one with the cart, but hey, I've got legs, I'll do it. Fuck you, Adso.

Oh good, next stop is the Shire. Chock full of moppy-headed rat fuckers. I'll be sure to  give them as much as my wrath as possible, with your regards, Adso.

Oh yes, there is wrath.