Tape up, blow out, stupid head

God's little paintbrushes

Friday, February 8, 2008 | 01:58 AM | by
Now I know that this hair style has been around for a while, but what perplexes me is that it hasn't died out yet. I went out to run errands a couple of days ago, and I saw four of these, one right after another. On the same street as I drove by. I think that might be what just finally pushed me over the edge.

Now, I live in a college/club town, so clearly there's going to be overexposure to this type of... person. What I'm really curious about is whether or not this fad has been nationwide, or if the heart of it is in the New York/Jersey area as I suspect, and then just dissipates outward from there (right through my area in Connecticut).

Not quite sure what I'm talking about? This picture is a classic, perhaps you've seen it around.


My god. That kid second from the left looks like he's ingested nothing but carrot and tomato juice his entire life. Or perhaps he is the offspring of a Carrot and Tomato... and Pineapple. Interesting,

Obviously it is just my opinion that this haircut looks ridiculous. I'm sure these kids think my haircut is stupid. Who knows, maybe they're right. Maybe I'm the one doing it wrong. Maybe I could try and sport the 'do.


I'm sure it helped us out a ton that A&E thought it would be a great idea to give those spoiled Gotti kids their own reality show a couple years back, and every single one of them sports a "blow out" (that's what this hairdo is called, by the way, for those of you itching to run to your nearest salon and get yourself one). And who doesn't want to imitate the spoiled grandchild of an actual real-life mobster?

But when it boils down to it, you know it's not the haircut that really annoys us (but it does look stupid), but the personality of the person typically found attached to said haircut. Greasy, bathed-in-cheap-cologne, popped-collar, mean-muggin' in their MySpace photos trying to look as hard as possible so people forget they're from the same suburbs as the rest of us.

It also brings up another thought... are we going to ever reach a point where we've just tried every possible thing with our hair, and explored every possible atrocity, to the point where there are just no new fads, no new surprises? I mean, with this "blow out", we've got to be getting close, right? Unless people start trying to see how high they can spike it, and they get taller and taller, until one day a huge mass of hair and crustified gel just topples over, tearing the owner's scalp right off with it and impaling some innocent passerby. And then the government outlaws "blow outs".

Really, we're going to need to start growing Twi'Lek-like tentacles from our heads just so we can come up more awful styles, so that I can keep cracking jokes about them.