The Mesocron of Knowledge, page 6

I am born again.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008 | 08:40 AM | by
I know this is going to seem perfectly ordinary to some of you out there. Some of you live this every day, and it's no big deal. But to me, this is a revelation. It's like the clouds have parted and gifted this to me. Like I've been sleeping all these years, and now I'm finally awake.

I'm talking about Fluff.

It started last week, when for some reason or another I said to Britanny "You know what I haven't had in, like, a million years? Fluff." I think that, at twenty-seven years old, it was the name that amused me the most.

I was never a huge fan of Fluff when I was a kid... my sister was all about the peanut butter and Fluff. Me? I was a straight peanut butter and jelly man. Peanut butter and Fluff shared too many qualities. They were both heavy, thick, gooey, room-temperature right out of the cupboard... it may as well have been a peanut butter and peanut butter sandwich. It threatened to clog up your throat and suffocate you.

Now peanut butter and jelly... that was like two entirely different universes colliding into an explosive orgasm which is then held in check by two slices of bread. You had the warm and the cold... the gooey and the... whatever the fuck adjective you use to describe jelly. Sticky. I don't know.

Anyway, where was I going? Right, the Fluff. So I mention Fluff, and then a couple of days later I happen to find myself at the grocery story, and Fluff once again pops into my head. I figure 'Hey, what the hell. I wonder what it tastes like' (because I'd forgotten in my old age, apparently).

I swing by the sandwich aisle, and all they have are large tubs of Fluff. Apparently if I wanted Fluff, I was going to have to commit. And commit I did.

So now I've got Fluff, I've got peanut butter and I've got bread. And as I'm engineering this sandwich later on that evening, I glance up and in the fruit bowl in front of me is a banana. I'm a fan of peanut butter and banana sandwiches, so I go for broke. I slice up the banana and lay it out between the PB and Fluff.

Sweet monkey-fucking shit.

I know, like I said, this is common knowledge for some of you. For me, this is like existing on a higher plane. I can't get enough of this sandwich now. The banana acts as the perfect buffer between the Fluff and the peanut butter. Like when the Fluff and the peanut butter gang up in your esophagus and try to choke you, the banana steps in all like "Hey guys... chill."

I'm known to enjoy a fried peanut butter and banana sandwich from time to time, but I haven't worked up the courage to fry a peanut butter banana and fluff sandwich. I think it would just outright kill me.

But man, what a way to go.

It is this

Thursday, December 11, 2008 | 09:39 AM | by
For those of you in those sad, sad places in the world devoid of Fluff, this is the stuff.