Trickle down blamenomics

It's a SUMO world, we just relax in it

Wednesday, March 28, 2012 | 12:10 AM | by

I am slowly but surely executing a devious plan to fill our living room with plush SUMO chairs. It's a subtle game... obviously my wife can't just come home one day to a living room full of beanbags. She'd notice that. So instead I'm playing the long con. It starts with one chair, just there to complement our sofa, and supply some extra seating when we have company.

A few months go by, she gets used to seeing it there... then we have some people stay over for the weekend so it's "Oh, I guess I need to bring up one of the other SUMO's from downstairs." Except it never goes back downstairs. Now there are two. I let her acclimate to the double SUMO for a little while. In another month or two, one of the end-tables will suddenly become a SUMO Otto. A few months later, the second end-table will follow.

I figure in a few years, with a lot of patience, I'll have a living room full of beanbags and she won't even have noticed it was happening.

I love my SUMO Titan, and I recommend it to everyone who emails me asking which SUMO they should get. But over the years, through working with him time and time again, I've gotten to know Andrew over at SUMO, and I know he's always looking for the next big thing, always looking for the next SUMO product. He's even let me offer my opinion on some in-development projects before.

So I started thinking to myself "What else could SUMO awesome-ify?"

Lots of things.

I still think SUMO Pants are a fashion statement waiting to happen. Like Hammer Pants from the late eighties... but filled with comfy foam padding.

 

Anywhere you go, you could just sit. Hell, you wouldn't even have to actually sit... you could just let your legs give out, and the pants would catch you in their pillowy embrace.

Or how about SUMO shoes? I've never walked on the dreams of kings, but I have to imagine it would feel like walking in SUMO shoes.

Alternative product title: SUMO Feet Clouds.

SUMO car seats. Not car seats for children, but actual car seats.

And are you ready for this? If you get into an accident, instead of an airbag, a fucking SUMO bursts out of the steering wheel. Actually, that would probably kill you... but you'd die comfortably.

This stuff is all pretty obvious though... what if we were to think outside the box? I present to you... The Reverse SUMO.

In Soviet Russia...

I'll leave these here so that Andrew can mull them over while his marketing team tells him how brilliant they are. He can thank me when he's sold his millionth pair of SUMO shoes. In the meantime, you can head on over and get some sweet, sweet butt-comfort from their regular chairs. You won't be disappointed.

Way ahead of me

Wednesday, March 28, 2012 | 01:17 PM | by

Apparently, the first thing that reader Eugene did when he bought his new house a couple of years ago is immediately purchase four SUMO Sultans for a hang-out room. I need to step my game up.